Leaf High Life
How do I move on from a messy breakup and start to live my own life again?
The truth is is that he messed up. Not me. What did I do to deserve what he did. When I let him know we should take a break and left. I said he needs to prove to me that Im worth anything to him, and make an effort to not badger me when Im working and cant get to the phone or text when he wants. I gave all of me, and yet it wasn't enough. So he leaves me high and dry; all alone. I cant eat, I listen to music that I think soothes the pain, but I just cant get him off my mind. I think about him and other guys, and him starting to see other people and it hurts. How can such a person who wronged me move on so quickly. As much as I want to get back at him, I know I wont and cant. Its not in my character. But what he did was not right. Does anyone have any advice to help me get over him, and move on with my own life? Please... this was my first relationship, and a messy one at that. 6 Breakups in a month. As volatile as it was I still love him =(.
Any advice can help...
This is both the good and bad news: There isn't a "manual" on how to get over heartbreak, if there was, the writer of that manual would make Bill Gates look like a scavenger.
It hurts, oh yes, I know how it can hurt (I have the battle scars to prove it - I've been through what you're going through already). When someone you love does an unspeakable, unimaginable atrocity to you and your relationship, it seems like there's no end to the misery and pain that one feels. Every store reminds you of him, even things like a candy wrapper can trigger a sob fest. It's OK to feel through your emotions, let it all out - it's healthier this way.
That said, take this opportunity to romance yourself again - and what I mean by this is, fall in love and build yourself up again! Focus all your energies in describing in wondrous detail how marvelous a human being you are, list all your excellent qualities - you need to do this now, as your self esteem can be shaky at this point, wondering "didn't I do my best? Wasn't it all enough?" Remember, you did nothing wrong (even though it hurts like the devil it is) and you need to repeat this fact over and over, whenever you feel a wave of self pity coming on.
I won't give you any Pollyanna bullsh*t about how "time heals all wounds" and "It happened for a reason", because no one knows how long your pain will last, and not everything in life has a purpose, sometimes it's just crap happening, there's no need to ascribe some mystical definition for it happening. What I will say is: Just hang on until the scenery changes - sometimes you just need to grab on to life as hard as you can until the view becomes different.
Like I said, the good news also about this is that there's no manual: think of this as a rebirth, a "rising from the ashes", a chance to head your life in a new direction - if you do everything with love and purpose, and continue honoring the wonderful person that you are, despite all these trials and hurts, you can do no wrong.
Good luck, and I wish you well always.
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